Paving Your Way With Pleasure

Many of you know that while overseas this summer my husband had a cardiac arrest.  It was many things, scary, bizarre, unreal, traumatizing, and did I mention scary? He was found collapsed with no heart beat and needless to say, his recovery was nothing short of a full blown epic miracle. I am not kidding…

…By the grace of God, and modern medicine my husband is alive. He seriously should be dead right now.

Re-entering our life after this new historical event means re-adjusting into new limitations.

It’s offered an opportunity, like many life events do that demands we re-evaluate our life plan (all things “you’re supposed to do when grazed by death or other hugely impactful events.”, right?)

However, what happened when I started to indulge this demand was a full blown existential crisis. And currently nothing has been resolved I am still achingly asking myself, ”What is my life about? How do I make sure I am doing the right thing? Living in the right way?”

I have been turned upside down, dis-oriented, my compass arrow is spinning around and around endlessly, and this wasn’t even “my health crisis”. 

I am questioning my life BIG time and these changes I am talking are major; I am thinking about career changes and relocation. But I can’t say I am making progress. In fact, there remains zero clarification. The thinking, churning, writing, journaling, praying is not providing me with anything. I’ve found myself feeling more stuck then ever in my life. I’ve seen my therapist, called my coach, had both an energy and astrological reading, and nothing. Nada. Zip. The message with subject line: “Here’s what you should do with your life and here’s how you should do it”, has yet to arrive.

So, here’s what I think. Sometimes life wants us to pause. 

Pull away, shut the engine down, power off, find quiet, and just chill and find some sweet, pleasure in all the chaos.  I am silencing the radio, closing the self help books, shelving the journal, and asking my higher self to have it’s way with me via loud speaker so that I make sure not to miss the message when divine timing arrives.

I know this sounds strange at New Years to be quieting it all. This is the time when  one source after another asks us to reflect, to question, to journal, but I am not going to do that this year. I am going to still the internal analysis. I am silencing the goal setting. I am throwing out the resolutions and resolving to committing to loving the hell out of my kids; making sure to call my mom when I feel the impulse; loving my body via radical acts of self care; folding in to my husband even when I am too tired; drinking tea with lots of honey; finishing the Christmas cookies and getting on with paving my way through January with as much pleasure as pure self love allows.

And to those of you that are also considering a change in your life please do it with pleasure.

The road to success, the path to change, the highway to your heaven, can be paved with pleasure. At least I hope so that’s what I am going for because I figure, “why not?” THIS LIFE DOES NOT NEED TO HURT SO BAD. While we journey towards our destiny let’s find the pleasure pockets and linger a little longer then we normally would.

And with that I wish you a  Happy New Year!



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